Who Taught You to Hate Yourself? Race, Identity, and the Internalization of Racism

Usually, when we hear the word “racism,” we think of something harmful that someone does to another person. We consider things like racism, unfair treatment, discrimination, and systems that make it difficult for some groups of people to do things.

    While racism can hurt people in obvious ways, it can also hurt people in less obvious ways: in their hearts. This is where the idea of “internalized racism” comes in handy. Internalized racism is what researchers call it when people from a racial group that has been previously pushed to the edges of society start to believe some of the negative messages, stereotypes, and assumptions that society spreads about that group. For example, James and colleagues (2025) say that internalized racism is when someone believes, acts, or has stereotypes that support the idea that the dominant racial group is better than their own racial group.

    Simply put, if people tell you something negative about yourself enough times, you might start to believe it. If the voice from the outside turns into the voice from the inside, being racist inside means that oppression doesn’t have to come from the oppressor’s voice alone. When Black people hear negative messages about being Black, they can change how they see themselves and each other, what they think they can accomplish, and even what they think is beautiful, smart, professional, or worthy.

Consider all the information people get over the course of their lives.

• Who is usually shown to be successful?

• Who is shown to be dangerous?

• Which way of talking is thought to be “proper”?

• What kind of hair does a “professional” wear?

• Which skin tones are most often thought of as beautiful?

• Who is thought to be smart before they even speak?

• Who needs to show that they belong?

    It’s not necessary to say these things out loud for them to have an effect. They can be talked about on TV, in movies, in ads, on social media, in schools, at work, in institutions, and in everyday conversations. It can be hard to separate repeated messages from your own views over time.

More Than Low Self-Esteem

    Having low self-esteem is not the same thing as having internalized racism. There is a direct link between it and race and the racial messages a person has heard from others. For example, a Black person might consciously reject racist ideas but still believe some stereotypes about other Black people without realizing it. Some people might think that certain hairstyles are less professional, that a certain way of speaking makes someone less smart, or that lighter skin is more attractive. Some people may even feel like they need to stay away from things that society has labeled as “too Black.” Such behavior is one reason why it can be hard to spot latent racism. It doesn’t always say that it is racist. It sounds like personal choice sometimes. There are times when it sounds like sense. It sounds like “That’s how the world works” some of the time. It sounds like our own voice sometimes.

The Risk of Looking at Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes

    W. E. B. Du Bois gave us a powerful way to consider this battle more than one hundred years ago. Du Bois wrote about “double consciousness” in “The Souls of Black Folk” (1903). This is the feeling of seeing yourself through your own eyes as well as the eyes of a society that has historically seen Black people through prejudice and stereotypes. Imagine carrying around two mirrors all the time. One shows what you think of yourself. The other shows what people think you are. When the second mirror becomes stronger than the first, that’s when things get dangerous.

    When people keep looking at themselves through the eyes of those who don’t value them, others' opinions can start to change how they feel about who they are on the inside. “How does society see me?” is no longer the only question. “Is society right about me?” can become stuck in your head. That question is much more dangerous.

Racism that we feel inside can change how we see each other

    This conversation has another important part. Internalized racism doesn’t just change how people see themselves. It can also change how they feel about other people of the same race. People in general have negative ideas about Black people, and sometimes these ideas are repeated and strengthened in Black groups. We can judge what another Black person says. Hair. Color of skin. Neighborhood. Learn more. Clothes. A job. Name. Thoughts on politics. Or even how that person chooses to show they are Black. We might not even be aware that we are measuring each other by standards set by a racial order. One of the worst things about internalized racism is that people who have been oppressed can unintentionally support some of the same ideas that were used against them.

How It Changes What We Think Is Possible

    One of the biggest risks may be having high hopes. When people hear over and over that people who look like them are less smart, less capable, more dangerous, less skilled, or less likely to succeed, what happens? Those words can change what people think is possible. If a child doesn’t see many people of color in movies or TV shows as scientists, professors, doctors, business leaders, writers, or intellectuals, they might start to think that only certain types of people should be in those roles. People’s internalized messages can affect the jobs they apply for, the chances they think they earn, how they respond to authority, how they judge other Black people, and whether they think some places are “for people like us.” That’s why representation is important, but it’s not enough on its own. We also need to look at the beliefs underlying the pictures.

Realizing that internalized racism is not about blaming others

    It’s not fair to use conversations about internalized racism as an excuse to blame Black people for the effects of racism. In fact, the opposite. When people grow up surrounded by racial stereotypes and hierarchies, it’s not surprising that some of those messages stick with them. What we do once we see them is the more important question. We can question the ideas we were taught. Instead of repeating stereotypes, we can fight them. We can talk about the reasons why we consider some traits more attractive, professional, smart, or acceptable than others. We can show kids more examples of Black people who are successful, beautiful, smart, good at leading, creative, and kind. The most important thing is that we can learn to distinguish between who we really are and what culture says we are.

Which Mirror Should We Trust?

    Internalized racism is a particularly striking example of how powerful messages can be. Words are strong. Pictures can be strong. The things we expect have power. Having a voice has power. Again and again, it has power. If people in a society hear racist messages over and over again, those messages can become part of how people see themselves and each other. That’s why changing laws and policies isn’t enough to fight racism, even though they are crucial. It’s also important to question the beliefs, standards of worth, assumptions, and stereotypes that racial injustice leaves behind. More than 100 years ago, Du Bois helped us understand how difficult it is to see ourselves through others' eyes. The idea is still incredibly important today. The challenge could be learning to tell when we are looking in the wrong mirror. Then we need to have the guts to take down that mirror. People who refuse to let a society based on racial order decide our value, identity, potential, or worth are one of the most powerful ways to fight racism.

References

Du Bois, W. E. B. (1903). The souls of Black folk: Essays and sketches. A. C. McClurg & Co.

James, D., Yu, E. C., Wang, Y., & Moeyaert, M. (2025). Internalized racism and personal self-esteem among ethnoracial minoritized groups: A meta-analytic review. Psychological bulletin, 151(12), 1448–1485. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000508

Folks, We MUST Vote on November 5, 2024

At this writing, there are sixteen days left. Please make sure you intend to take your souls to the polls. 

What Is Our Children Learning From Our Leaders?

 

In general, the role of a leader is to coach, guide, and inspire others. They motivate teams through challenging times and guide individuals through their career progressions. A leader manages individuals to keep teams aligned and working toward shared goals. They foster a collaborative culture and lead by example.

When I Googled for a definition of leadership, the answer above appeared as one of my choices. The last three words in the description caught my attention, "lead by example," which is why I am writing this post. As an educator, I am genuinely concerned about the examples set for our children. I see children every day exhibiting the same behaviors as some of our leaders on the national, state, and local levels, and quite frankly, there is not much that I can say to them because they are mimicking what they see in the news from people who have the title of leader. Just this week alone, while scrolling through a couple of news apps, I saw stories of city council members threatening each other and nearly getting into a physical altercation. In fact, the city councilman who had left his seat and towered over one of his council colleagues shoved a police officer trying to intervene. In another story from a different city, a city councilwoman's husband and son entered into a physical altercation with a citizen who had made commentary during the public portion of the meeting about his wife, the councilwoman. Not to mention the circus surrounding the twice impeached and four-time indicted former 45th president of the United States.

I have students who refuse to take accountability for their actions, just like the leaders in the news before them. I have students who believe the only way to solve an issue is by fighting or physical altercations, just like the leaders who are in the news before them. I have students who believe that being verbally abusive is the way to solve a conflict, just like the leaders in the news before them. I have students who believe cheating, lying, and stealing are okay, just like the leaders in the news before them. 

The definition above states that leaders are to lead by example. Leaders are supposed to set an example for those whom they lead. Set an example for those who follow them. What type of example are our leaders setting for our children and our adults, for that matter? 

As I pursue my fourth academic degree focusing on leadership and social justice, examples such as those mentioned above are not good. I am studying all leadership styles, and none involve physical fighting, cheating, lying, being verbally abusive, stealing, etc., as part of any leadership characteristics. 

In most instances when we experience leaders who are leading in the opposite direction of morals and ethics, they are usually looking out for their own self-interests, and their followers/people are pawns who are being used by these types of leaders to further their own agenda and not really what is in the best interest of the people. Think about it: the chart above shows charges against the most powerful person in the free world. This individual was actually leading the country. Sadly, there are still a lot of people who are OK with this corruption and continue to support it. In fact, many would like for this individual to lead the country again. Who have we become? To heck with morals and ethics, let hatred, greed, and self-centeredness abide.  

Our children will be the biggest losers when all is said and done. They are growing up thinking that one can treat people any old kind of way and get away with it. They are growing up normalizing abusive behavior based on what they see our so-called leaders doing. Why should our children feel they need to be held accountable when the adults around them do not take accountability for their actions? 

Leadership is not what I read about or witnessed in the news or social media this week. Let me rephrase that it is leadership, bad leadership. Terrible leadership. 

 

 

Betrayed and He Had Done Nothing Wrong

Luke 22:3-4
3 Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. 4 And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus.

Matthew 21:8-11
8 A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. 9 The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!” 10 When Jesus entered Jerusalem, the whole city was stirred and asked, “Who is this?” 11 The crowds answered, “This is Jesus, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee.”

Matthew 27:21-23
21 “Which of the two do you want me to release to you?” asked the governor. “Barabbas,” they answered. 22 “What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called the Messiah?” Pilate asked. They all answered, “Crucify him!” 23 “Why? What crime has he committed?” asked Pilate. But they shouted all the louder, “Crucify him!”

Put yourself in Jesus’ tunic and sandals for minute….. All He did during his time on earth was to do what was right; do what was good, teach, heal, perform miracles, uplift people and make life better for others. And yet, He finds himself betrayed after having done nothing wrong. He was imprisoned unjustly and some of the same folks who were shouting “Hosanna to the Son of David” in Matthew 21 were now some of the same folks shouting “Crucify Him” in Matthew 27. Think about it; it was one of his Cabinet Members (Judas) who sold him out (cheaply I might add, only 30 pieces of silver??).

If you have ever suffered any type of betrayal, then you have an inkling of what Jesus must have felt as He was indeed human just like you and me. He felt the same emotions as we do depending upon what we are experiencing in life. Jesus wasn't just a godly person with great spiritual insights, nor was He only a great moral and spiritual teacher. He was more than these, because He was both fully human and fully divine. Think of it: God became a man, and that Man was Jesus Christ. As the Bible says, "God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him" (Colossians 1:19). Therefore, He could feel hurt, sadness, betrayal, happiness, gladness, excitement and any other emotions that we experience today. I don’t know about you, but I know what it feels like to be betrayed when you have done nothing wrong, so does the King family, the family of Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela and in some respects I can imagine the Kennedy family knows the feelings as well.

Now herein lies the difference between us and Jesus. His ability to truly and sincerely FORGIVE his betrayers. If we are following Christ for real; denying ourselves and developing ourselves, we must learn to let go and forgive our betrayers just like Jesus did. As his betrayers were dividing His garments and casting lots, Jesus was praying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”  I don’t know about you; in all transparency, I am still trying to get there. Yes, I have needed to be forgiven and there are folks who have wronged me who I must forgive if I am going to follow Christ for real. I don’t think I’m the only one. So, as we go into this Lenten season, let us seek to forgive others as we need to also be forgiven.

Prayer:
Father forgive us because in some instances we know not what we are doing and help us to forgive others just as we have just asked for Your forgiveness. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

WHAT DEPRESSION LOOKS LIKE - IT CAN BE HIDDEN

Am I the only one struck by the collage below? I know I cannot be. When I saw this photo come across one of my social media platforms, I was deeply moved because I know firsthand the damage that depression can do. In fact, I can add some up close and personal photos to this collage.

I’ve seen the destruction of marriages from depression and I’ve watched my sister battle with health issues that incessantly feed her depression monster. Depression and mental illness are real and they are deadly as evidenced by the photo above. All four of these people had everything to live for and yet each took his/her own life. What struck me in the photo and I am sure the reason the creator of the collage chose these particular pictures is the fact that they are all smiling and looking oh so happy, hence the title WHAT DEPRESSION LOOKS LIKE. People don’t fake depression, they fake being okay. Think about that……… One of the reasons that depression is so hard to detect is the sufferer looks and acts just like someone who is not suffering from depression on the outside while on the inside they are all torn up. They are in pain. They are hurting and covering up the hurt. Childhood traumas, past relationship traumas and the list can go on. The four people in this photo were all celebrities in their own rights. To the average Joe and Jane, they had it all. The fame, the fortune, the looks, the money, the families, the everything and yet it was not enough to keep them alive. In each instance, family and friends did not know that their loved one was suffering in the manner that he/she was until the suicide occurred. Until it was too late. Very few signs to no signs were seen. Many relatives expressed how the depression was hidden very well from them by their loved one.

I choose to use my various platforms (talk radio show, podcast and blogs) to spread awareness about mental illness, depression and other health issues such as cancer. If you are struggling in any way, please seek the help that you need. There is no shame in the seeking of help game. Four people who had everything to live for, who I am sure had bright futures are now gone due to self inflicted death as a result of suffering in silence. 

HELP IS AVAILABLE.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is the agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that leads public health efforts to advance the behavioral health of the nation. SAMHSA’s mission is to lead public health and service delivery efforts that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and provide treatments and supports to foster recovery while ensuring equitable access and better outcomes.

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) is the lead federal agency for research on mental disorders. NIMH is one of the 27 Institutes and Centers that make up the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the largest biomedical research agency in the world. NIH is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

I pray that not another family is destroyed by depression. Not another marriage, not another life taken, not another heart broken, not another silent sufferer. Please seek the help that you need if you feel yourself struggling within. Find me at marcamedley.com

 

PERSEVERE

Guest Post By Miles Jaye

There she sat, calm and dignified, seated across from the U.S. Senate Judicial Committee, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, in full view of the world, fully engaged in what can be best described and characterized as a highly contentious Senate Confirmation hearing, when she uttered a word, I had said on many occasions was a favorite of my own mother—persevere. Judge Brown-Jackson recalled the advice given her by a stranger on the grounds of Harvard University in what was, by her own account, a very trying and difficult freshman year. This was a time, she remembered, when she doubted herself and whether or not she was cut out for the Harvard experience.

To persevere by definition is to continue a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success. In less formal, more common parlance, to persevere is to face the discomfort or obstacles of a less than ideal situation and deal with it. Push forward or stand fast-- but deal with it. Figure it out, accept that circumstances may not be fair or just, then buckle down and beat the odds, outpace the naysayers and silence the haters. Excuses will never serve you well, but perseverance will separate those who could have from those who did.

Senator Corey Booker, in his passionate and heartfelt closing remarks to the SCOTUS nominee said she reminded him of his mother. She, just by virtue of that word persevere reminded me of mine, as it was a favorite of hers. Yes, the full facial features of a broad nose, high cheek bones, full lips and dark chocolate brown complexion, could remind many of us of a family member. She doesn’t appear to be Indonesian, or Polynesian or any other kind of esian or Asian for that matter, but Black American. She, enjoying the freedom to marry the man of her choosing, although that choice only a few generations ago, would have broken laws over which a judge not unlike herself would have had to rule, is not in any way or to any degree in denial of that fact. She embraces her heritage. It would appear by her testimony that her parents, siblings, aunts and uncles are an essential source of her pride and fortitude, her perseverance.

It should not be overlooked that entering her freshman classes as Ketanji Onyika Brown, a West African name meaning Lovely One, might have won her more attention than she may have wished to have at a critical time when most young people want nothing more than to fit in-- to be accepted. Her name may have even been the source of unwarranted humor and teasing among the ranks of what she called, Prep School students. If so, she persevered in spite of it. By distinguishing herself as a top undergrad as well as a Harvard Law student, her name will be long remembered in the hallowed halls of the Harvard campus. If she is confirmed as only one of four female Justices in the history of the United States Supreme Court, the first Black female, the name Justice Ketanji Onyika Brown Jackson, Lovely One, will long be remembered in the pages of American history. She, along with others in American history who share her gender and heritage, by their examples, will teach generations to come what can be accomplished and what can be achieved if only we would persevere.

Meet Our Guest Blogger Miles Jaye

Singer, songwriter, Miles Jaye, is a native New Yorker; it is there that he studied music theory and classical violin for more than ten years at the Brooklyn Conservatory of Music, Saratoga School for Orchestral Studies and Brooklyn College. An accomplished musician and producer, Jaye is best known for his chart-topping hits, "Let’s Start Love Over", "Heaven" and "Objective" featuring Grover Washington, Jr. His heart wrenching "I’ve Been A Fool For You" has become one of radio’s favorite R&B classics. While Jaye laid the groundwork for excellence with his three highly acclaimed CD’s on Island Records, MILES, STRONG and IRRESISTIBLE; he continued that standard of excellence on his own Black Tree Records with titles such as the ODYSSEY, DIVINE ASCENSION, ROMANTIC STORM and HUMANITY. Under the Miles Jaye Davis Productions label, his extensive training as a classical and jazz violinist is evident on his latest release "ATTENERGY", the voice on the violin which is an exceptional musical “coming out celebration” with sixteen beautifully crafted performances. Now a Floridian, Jaye enjoys a long-standing reputation as an R&B and Contemporary Jazz writer/producer, having partnered with some of the giants of jazz on his recordings such as George Duke, Roy Ayers, Nat Adderley, Jr., Rachelle Ferrell, Grover Washington, Jr., and Branford Marsalis. The list of notables with which Jaye has shared the concert stages of the world is too extensive to include here. Jaye is especially proud of writing and producing six tracks on the certified Gold JOY CD from his mentor, legendary R&B singer Teddy Pendergrass. A prolific composer, Jaye has penned and recorded more than 50 original compositions and has the unique distinction of recording no less than 12 different musical instruments on several of his critically acclaimed CD’s. In addition to side-man duties early in his career for the songstress, Phyllis Hyman, balladeer, Jon Lucien, and jazz guitarist Eric Gale, Jaye served two years as lead-singing Cop for the hit pop group that brought you YMCA, Macho Man and In the Navy - THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. Jaye is also a novelist, playwright, art student, and an award-winning journalist. He is an active supporter of campaigns for AIDS Awareness, Breast Cancer research, and an advocate for victims of domestic violence. He also actively supports arts education in public schools. Miles Jaye Davis, like his namesake, legendary trumpeter, Miles Davis, is one of music’s most gifted, distinctive and dynamic artists.

www.therealmilesjaye.com
www.milesjaye.net

Is There Such A Thing As Customer Service Anymore?

 For me, as it may appear to be a rhetorical question, the answer to my question in the title, is a resounding “NO.” Company executives attempt to promote, pitch or position concepts such as “self check out aisles,” “automated teller machines,” “conversant or automated voice response systems” as improved customer service options, when in reality the jury is still out. While these systems are gaining favor, there is still a significant percentage of us who would rather have the human experience, i.e. to check out at a grocery store with a cashier and not scan our items ourselves, or to talk with someone live when we call a company if we have a question or need to express a concern.

While the executives are pitching these systems as customer service improvements, the reality is, they are a cost savings for them. And to add insult to injury or salt to a wound, these savings are not passed along to the consumer. I still have to pay the same price whether I use the self checkout and scan all of my items myself or if I go to the cashier line and have the cashier total my order. I might be able to see the “so-called” customer service option of self checkout if a discount on my total order was given for me checking out my own items (I’m doing the work). Think about it, at an automated teller machine (ATM), you actually pay to retrieve your own money. The bank has cut the cost of having to pay a teller and are charging you a fee to withdraw your own hard earned and saved money. The fees are now ranging from $3.25 to $5.00 or more that is tacked on to your withdrawal per transaction. Better customer service, yet I am paying for performing a job that a cashier used to do and being assessed a fee for withdrawing my money. Does this make sense to you? If it does, I can tell you as of this writing that it does not make sense to me. It’s almost as if we are lemmings that just go along with anything that we are told. The companies say that this will improve customer service and we go right along with it, not questioning the logic of what is actually happening. The same holds true for soundbites that are given to us on the news each evening by the way.

According to a 2021 State of Self-Checkout Experiences report, self-checkout is a feature that customers value highly. Just about 60 percent of the 1,000 American consumers we surveyed said that they will head to a self-checkout kiosk rather than a cashier when given the choice. I am willing to bet that the 60 percent surveyed never really thought about the fact that they are either paying the same or more for doing what was once someone’s job who was being paid to do it. Why aren’t we feeding back to companies that we would be willing to check ourselves out, if you pay us (discount on our purchases that are self scanned out)? Why aren’t we fighting with banks or the Feds to say that we are not going to pay these extortion like fees to withdraw our own money? Again, lemmings. Less service being given while more money is being taken. Not to mention the reduction in package sizes/volume at higher prices. Companies think the consumers are stupid about that too (that’s another issue for another article).

Maybe I’m the only one out on this limb; however, I don’t think so. I do not believe that I am the only one who has seen a drastic reduction in customer service over the years under the guise of “do it yourself.” As I write this article, I am disgusted with META, the company formerly known as Facebook for not allowing its users to communicate with them when a problem arises. They’ve become so big that I guess they don’t give a hoot about what their customers think about them or feel the need to provide a communications vehicle for their users to address their concerns to them. I predict that if META continues down this path, that there won’t be a META in the long run. Facebook has its place, however, like any other company, it must be concerned for its users/customers. Without users/customers, there is no META.

I will end with the very familiar fable of The Goose that Laid he Goose that Laid the Golden Eggs

There once was a man who owned a wonderful goose.

Every morning, the goose laid for him a big, beautiful

egg — an egg made of pure, shiny, solid gold. Every

morning, the man collected golden eggs. And little by

little, egg by egg, he began to grow rich. But the man wanted

more. “My goose has all those golden eggs insider her,” he kept

thinking. “Why not get them all at once?” One day he couldn’t

wait any longer. He grabbed the goose and killed her. But there

were no eggs inside her! “Why did I do that?” the man cried!

“Now there will be no more golden eggs.”

It is my hope that the moral of the fable is understood in the context of where we are headed in terms of “customer service.”

For more about me, please visit marcamedley.com